What 2014 taught me...

This year I learnt...

1. I'm more capable that I think! I currently have a placement for 15 hrs per week, a full time degree, a Job and a somewhat of a social life. 
2. I'm stronger than I think! The things I've seen this year I never knew I could deal with but I can. 
3. I can be stylish and look good. I just gotta put in some effort.
4. I am a geek and I totally own that. I LOVE READING!!
5. I really like eating cheese. 

What did you learn this year?

Respect the Platform.

Social Media is a platform. Use it wisely. 

A place to express what you feel and think, your love or hatred for something. Take Youtube, It has launched the likes of Michelle Phan, NigaHiga and Jefferson Bethke's into the public domein. 

NigaHiga

Ryan Higa is a guy who used his loneliness and his Attention Deficit Disorder and again channelled it into something good. He is entertaining does ironic humorous video's poking fun at life situations; such as his serious of reality of situations vs. what we are lead to believe. He speaks about things that bother him with humour, about relationships  and He spoofs Movies. He uses his platform for good! to talk about something that matters. He uses humour to challenge racism. 

Photo: Ryan Higa

Photo cred: Jen Galaze

Photo cred: mashable.com

Michelle Phan

Michelle Phan is the makeup artist who works with Lancome, has her own brand with L'Oreal called 'EM: cosmetics'. She makes videos with millions of views with the hopes of colliding her love or art and makeup together. She wants to make a women feel her most beautiful and just be creative- How beautiful?! She is using her voice to talk about issues effective young people and all people: Self-esteem, self-worth and insecurity. Why do her video's draw attention? she is socially relevent and speaks about a matter that touches your soul. 

Jefferson Bethke

Now, Jefferson Bethke- a person hero of mine- made one YouTube video that went viral. About Jesus...what? Yeah, he shared His amazing beliefs and faith with the world in a video called 'I love Jesus but hate religion' He challenged religiousness and spoke straight to the heart of a generation of people who wanted to see real authenticity real change and wanted the real Jesus now some weird perfect man but someone who understood them. Jeff started in America first with its impact then globally He started A big discussion.... what was religion? who is Jesus? Why are is there social injustice if the Church is so big? 

He spoke about something that mattered and ended up writing a book about it too, he travels, makes YouTube video's, has a beautiful Wife- who is one of the prettiest people on the planet in my opinion- and is now a Dad. He uses His platform to discuss to be open to questions. 

Social Media is a platform to discuss to talk about things, use it wisely, think about what you are posting. In current events, China is having a protest formed by young people; how? Social Media spread the word. When London was rioting, Blackberry server got taken down; why? because Social media spread the word. It is important that you really realise that you have a power in using social media and respect it. I'm not saying start being the next Mandela, I'm saying respect the platform. 

Matthew Hussey taught be more than how to 'Get the guy'.

Photo: google

So.  Lets talk Matthew Hussey- the love life and human dynamics expert. 

This guy has written a book called 'Get the guy' educating women on the male mind and all about attraction and interaction between men and women. ON the surface, it appears that He is just teaching you how to get that hot guy and how to talk to the guy you fancy; now he is actually doing this but when you look a little deeper you see something else... 

First; let me tell you how I was introduced to Matthew... 

I had a situation where I couldn't tell if a man fancied me or not. I am hopeless at telling if a man actually fancies me- if a man confessed undying love for me I'd think he was being kind and polite- So I was naive would be subtly saying it. I'm scared of falling in love because I'm a passionate and committed person- if I'm in, I'm in! That terrify's me and I suppose I didn't have any self belief that I was worth it- why would a man like me? I went searching for answers and I found them; Matthew then helped me build on them.  (As Matthew explains, you have to be a 'rare gemstone' to Him- for him to want you in his life- but to be that you have to believe you are worth a great deal and are a rare gem.) 

So I needed educating and I googled it- as with everything in life google solves it! and his website came up. I spent hours reading his material, listening to his podcasts and watching his YouTube videos. This guy was good, he was intriguing. He could occupy my thoughts and stimulate my mind- most love life experts are boring and not really honest and don't give me the answer I want- the truthful one! This guy was honest and down-to-earth. He made me see some ways I'd being getting it wrong, for starters I tell a man I feel safe with him thinking its a compliment not realizing I'm drawing him in. In my female brain, its just a compliment its not a sign I like him! I also want to sort out every argument there and then, men retract and then come back when they've thought about what they're going to say, so I freak men out by coming across intense at times. I loved all this new learning and because of it I've got a bad habit of sleeping at 3am! I blame Matthew for his content... or myself for reading it at bedtime. I also realized my power as a women! Ladies, never underestimate your power! You are enough and you are beautiful. When I fixed these things my love life altered, I'm still single and I've never had a boyfriend but I'm more open.  

Then I noticed something different; when you take away talking about attraction you find at his core Matthew is educating you about the way people function. The way men think and women think, He is helping bring unity among st the sexes by doing what many men DON'T do- explaining. Simply explaining, taking the time to calmly explain. He'd say make me see how to calmly explain my point, He'd make see how to change the 'there is no men!!' mindset and how to not be scared of falling in love. He was actually interested in what I'm interested in and love- human dynamics. I love people watching on a bench- in a non-stalker manner- the way people interact is interesting and how it culture differences and male/female dynamics effect it. 

The thing I've realized, that everything has a root problem. For example, your problem with your love life and pushing men away may be at its root a fear of rejection- deal with that and the problem of pushing men away will be easily fixed. I've noticed how to talk to people, believe in what I say. 

Most importantly I felt convinced that my character was acceptable... 

I'll let you into a not so secret secret- I'm a massive geek. I love politics, history, world affairs, culture and human dynamics and religion! I have passion, I'm training to be a youth worker- I love working with young people, I'm not afraid to live my passion - okay I won't be a millionaire from helping young people- but I come alive mentoring and in a room full of youngsters!  being passionate is a good quality. I don't just casually stroll through life, I'm a total geek and I own that geekness. I love going out and relaxing but not every weekend and that okay. I used to think, "gosh I'm not the norm- I don't live for the next iphone, I don't really like small talk and my sole purpose in life is not to party it away- I'm boring!" This isn't true, I have interesting stories and interesting places that I've being. 

If you read his material, watch his Youtube videos or listen to his podcasts- look deeper next time. Underneath explaining attraction, what else can you learn? At our core we're all looking for love and acceptance. That's the thing with human dynamics, how we get there is different but we are all the same. Matthew explains, its not all about looks! sure, a man is physical but then after you've got him you have to keep him with your personality. That was interesting for me!

Lean how to be you. You can't keep a man or anyone if you can't be yourself... This is an important life lesson that you'll learn from watching him. 

If we we're all ourselves then okay, dating would be scary crazy but if we got more confident and believed in yourself if we came across rejection we'd be downcast but not destroyed- there is a massive difference. Focus on being the right person, if you wanna meet the right person. Focus on building your confidence you you can go anywhere. Rather than going anywhere in hopes to find it in a man, build your foundation of confidence by knowing what love really is and the truth then go and find your guy! This is what I've learnt watching and listening to Matthew. 

He really is more of an educator of life than just a love guru and dynamics coach. 

My hair changed and I feel different!

Photo: me

So this is my new hair.

 It was a chestnut brown but now has many highlights. Now I've never being a girl  who was bothered about changing her hair color but the opportunity to be a hair model arose and I took the plunge. I hated the idea of a dramatic change but wanted something new. So the excitement overtook the fear! 

I never realized how much a hair change can alter how you look or feel. I felt so daring and adventurous, my hair doesn't grow fast so if it looked terrible it would be like this for the next year!

I noticed in human nature people treat you differently, this picture above got 40+ likes on facebook and plenty of comments which I found very interesting, not because it was nice to get a compliment but because hair effects so much of our lives. We spend time effort and energy and money on it! the hair industry is a billion pound industry.

Not many people touch your hair! Your other half, close family and friends but that it is! You wouldn't touch a strangers hair!? or someone you just met. There is something in it that effects the way we think and I have no idea why... but I'm going to figure it out- hopefully!

Turning the world off.

(Photographer: unknown)

I like being busy. 

I have being very busy for the last 6 months, crazy amounts of things have happened. I've learnt about my future, I'm learning about myself and how to be a good youth worker and I've overcome much but one thing that gives me a buzz is my life being busy with people. Seeing people I know while I'm doing errands makes me smile, going about my buisness and talking to random people makes me smile but then all my busyness stopped. 

Placement ended for the year, University ended for the year and being a leader at a club ended for the year. 

I was left with my own thoughts, to unwind. To think, to gain some clarity and remember my name. Now I've become really good at figuring myself out, why I'm making choices, talking to people and being accountable for my actions, knowing what I want from life and why I feel the way I do and starting to change those mindsets that are wrong. Now, this was a momentum. I was going and going and going, and then I stopped. In the past this has lead to a funk and sort of lack of worth. But this time, I was determined to turn it into something good.

I turned off the world. I went away for a week, I only contacted 3 people. I sat, I read, I remembered, I prayed and I wrote- it was freeing it was healing and I had no distractions. I didn't have lots of opinions, I didn't have constructive criticism, it was an important time to re-group, to re-think and to process. I turned off the internet for hours of mindless scrolling and read productive things, articles. I re-ignited my love for 'The Guardian' newspaper and sat down to read the proper thing. I sat, I walked... 

 

I turned off the world and listened to myself, prayed and engaged in actual conversation. 

Today, turn your world off and just be. Think. Breath and just be. You're a human being not a human doing... now just be. It is essential for good mental health and good overall health. 

Entitlement makes you powerless.

When you are entitled you believe you have to wait for everything to be given too you. You don't believe you can achieve your dreams... 

When you have to wait for everyone to be given to you, you can't go and get it yourself. Meaning you are powerless to your own strength and not in-charge of your destiny. 

We've all heard that this generation doesn't want to work and is incredibly entitled... also depressed and anxious - more so than any other generation. Why? Because they are waiting for their moment, unaware they can seize their moment and chase their dreams. While waiting they've being depressed, down cast and don't believe in themselves to get their dreams so they just sit and wait.

Now, this excludes those genuinely lazy people - those who don't want to work and are entitled because they 'can't be bothered'- they should get off their backsides and start to wake up and smell the coffee. 

So, your dreams you have to chase after. One step, make a move. The world doesn't owe you anything, no one does. You can build something for the world with your own hands. 

Don't waste the summer!

Dear University students, collage students, A-level and GCSE students...

Don't waste your summer! I repeat: Don't waste your summer!! 

Yes, enjoy video games, watching TV all day, chilling out, relaxing and doing nothing but for a short time. For a week or 2, go on holiday with the gals or guys -and have a great time!! But when you've wined down from the exam stress and pressure, look for something to do that will help your future. 

You don't know what you want to do? 

Great, now is the chance to find what you like by volunteering! You could try -depending on weather they are insured and you have a clean CBR- working with young people, at a nursery or working for a charity.From work experience I learnt I don't like working with small children and I don't enjoy working with elderly people. I loved their time and company and babysitting children but not professionally caring for them. I do love working with young people, I know this because I tried out working with children and the elderly and realised it wasn't for me. You don't know unless you try.

 You may think they might say no, but If you don't ask- you'll never know! visit: www.volunteering.org.uk 

Set a goal...

What is your goal for the summer? To learn about another country?- go travelling. To check out job perspectives?- volunteer. 

Think about it like this: If everyone else is being lazy and just wasting time, you are not. You are putting time and effort into investing in you. When they all leave education they may have to start at the bottom - as in the volunteering bottom- if you have experience you may be able to get a low paid job in your area of interest. Yes, its low pay! But you can work your way up quicker because you have the relevant experience. 

English Spring.

English Spring, well... is there one? We either have the weather SO hot you can't breathe or so cold you're wondering if its still winter!! But, this country can look amazingly beautiful, here are some photos to enjoy. There are so many good photographers out there, and here are some from around the net, who are SO talented. 

Jim Maddison

rgbstock.com

fotomtm.wordpress.co.uk

Reasons why we must vote.

This generation is one like never before. 

This generation won't accept not having its voice, we won't go quietly, we won't be seen and not heard. WE all want our chance to speak, we'll debate, discuss and well...argue. We want to find people who think like us, and don't want to accept life the way it was. We want honesty, authenticity, truth and we want to make sure the government knows when we don't like their views. 

You have a voice! Men and women at 18 years old could only start voting in 1969! Before that for Women, it was 31 and you had to be married, now it doesn't matter if you're single, married or divorced!The age was eventually lowered and given the same rights to both men and women at age 18. Women have fought for their vote, the suffragettes and suffragists fought a long battle for women to even vote at all; Women are walking in the legacy of people who fought hard for our vote, we should honour that and vote and vote. Men have always being given to vote, but not all men take their chance to vote.

google images

In the European elections its our chance to get our voice. You may think your voice or vote makes NO difference, but you are wrong. If everyone thinks their vote doesn't count and no one votes, then democracy can't exist. This is not the place to argue about whether democracy exists, but whatever version we have of it we still have some. We still have the chance to choose the person whom we allow into our government, or in this case our European vote. Its our choice, our vote and our voice. Whatever problems Europe causes we have to clean up when the now politicians leave. This is our Europe. Our voice. You may think that your vote won't even count for anything at all, or the politician you voted may not come into power, well you've let the politician who does, know how close they were to loosing. 

You may not want to vote thinking that you don't agree with the ideals of the politician. Do you even agree with all your friends ideals? probably not. Vote the person you've spent time reading, considering and thinking could make a difference; not the most popular or just anyone. Use wisdom and think carefully about your choice, its so important you do vote. Its the one who we believe will do their best and will try their best and give their all. Who is looking to better the state of affairs for all people, and wanting to help rule in fairness and honesty.

Ben Heine

We need to find a balance in sexuality.

Why do we have to label girls as either a woman who sleeps with many men or frigid? 

We need to find a balance in sexuality. Its either, everyone take their clothes off and its a free-for-all and you can do whatever you like with no boundaries, or its completely the other way entirely where there are so many rules and anything but covering up and talking and being ''pure'' is acceptable. 

Its just really really angering me, that there is no balance in society. We either are ashamed talking about sex or are showing it off like the latest gadget. 

Terms like "slag" and "slut" are thrown around so easily. There are plenty of reasons why we have these problems in society, of course the consumption of pornography is a massive problem in creating unrealistic views of sexuality and convincing people that sex is free and on tap but there is a bigger problem...

The fact we won't even have a healthy conversation about sex. 

If we maybe just opened the dialogue we wouldn't have such unhealthy views because all of the 'hush hush' would be less. If we talked in a healthy way about the subject, its natural, created by love to be enjoyed in love and in the boundaries of love then we wouldn't have such a hard time talking about it. How about when young people get curious we just bite the bullet and answer there questions that are just coming from a heart that wants to understand this natural part of life? 

How to quiet your mind.

So, if you're like me; you're pretty busy brained, a million thoughts  coming out all over the place. You probably confuse people sometimes and forget they are not in your head!  So much to do, see and think about. Also you probably struggle to quiet your mind, to sit, to be. I mean who wants to do that? there is so much to see, to take in... who can sit still? 

Stillness, is a key to life. Being quiet allows you to just be, now this is a battlefield for me. I'm not naturally a calm and peaceful person; but I'm learning. 

(Thomas Haig-picture of me)

1.Identify your thoughts.

What are you thinking about? write it down. If you don't know what you're thinking about then write down exactly what is on your mind at this very moment and start from there. 

2. Look at it in perspective. 

Your problem is not as big as you think it is, only your brain has allowed you too see it as bigger than it is.  I've always being wary of saying this because I've seen in the past people say, its not like you're in Africa starving, this adds guilt not perspective. 

3. You are loved. 

Now, you might think how is that relevant to quieting your mind but knowing your loved means you can rest in the peace that everything will work out okay in some way or another, it allows you to let go of control and to stop working everything out. Its really strange, the more I reminded myself I am loved; the less busy my brain got because its all going to be okay someway or another because I'm bigger than my brain, I can choose to see the problem in perspective. 

4. Rise above the thought and replace it with a positive thought. 

You DON'T have to have it all worked out. You don't have to suffer with that thought. Start building new highways in your brain by choosing a positive thought. 

5. Look outwards not inwards. The world is still turning

Look at the world, have you ever noticed that pretty flower? probably not because you were too busy in your own head.  The world is changing, it is now spring. In England, this means flowers and new animals; don't miss all that trying to be superwomen or superman. 

6. Stop trying to control others have some perspective.

You have no control over what they say and do, as you let it go that you don't. You don't have to fix the world. Lots of our suffering comes from trying to control the world. 

7. Jump from the fear of the unknown and the fear of losing control. 

You did all you could, now let go. Let the fear go. Most roots to busy brained is trying to do everything figure it all out. 

8. Turn it off, get out the door. 

No, don't text. Ring your friend, meet them face to face. Do something that you enjoy. For me, its seeing a movie, talking, going for meal. I hate nightclubs so that would never work. 

9. Rome wasn't built in a day. 

Learning to rest and quiet yourself is a process, you might not do amazing the first few times. 

10. There is something bigger than you. 

Focusing on yourself just makes it worse, trying to figure it all out just ends in frustration. The world is turning regardless of you, jump in and go with the flow and enjoy the ride. Someone made this world who is stronger than you, thinks clearer than you. Its not your job to be God and try and sort all your thoughts out and think why to everything! sometimes its just your job to do all you can and trust that the rest will all somehow fall into place. 

11. Start to trust people a little bit. 

My busy brain came from dis-trust mostly, I didn't trust people had the best intentions; granted not everyone does. But don't be so harsh, slowly trust other people; in all honesty at some point they will break it, but who won't? please here the balance and don't be extreme- don't give them all or nothing, just give them the chance to earn your trust.  if they love you and they break it, they have had your best interests at heart. When you can trust, you can delegate. A mother with 4 young children? why not do carpool and get someone else to pick the kids up on day and you do it the next. 

Perspective.

When I started Uni I discovered I didn't like change because its not what I expected. I had a firm plan for my life and being a plan A girl, plan B wasn't an option, but plan B was university and it did happen. I am going down a path never intended to go down.

(insert cheesy road picture here:) 

PERSPECTIVE is EVERYTHING

I had such a negative perspective on my life. I thought I had failed, I could not see past my own thoughts. I want to be a public speaker, inspire people and get them to see the their world a different way, I didn't want to go to university.  I'd sit in fear, afraid to jump and just go with the flow. Afraid to do anything that wasn't what I planned in my head and in my heart. What I forgot to remember it is the perspective on circumstance determines how you live it, It also determines how you feel during. 

I am now starting to change my perspective on university, on thought at a time. It is apart of the journey of my life, it is a stepping stone to get me to where I need to go. As I've just started to go with the flow a bit more, I just jumped. Terrified and afraid of the unknown, I started to grab my chances and go with the opportunities shown to me, I've discovered who I am, more about myself. I'm still working on my perspective. More and more but as a chip away at these thoughts of a negative perspective, I am seeing the world in a new way. 

Lies vs. Truth

I'm coming to this realisation more and more that we've being lied too... 

We've believed lies about ourselves that are not true. That we can't achieve, that we are not capable, that we are not loved and not valued. I've said this before on this blog but its become a deeper revelation to me all the time. The things I've believed over the truths, the one I'm battling at the moment is if I am capable. I just started a blog, can I get readership? Will people be interested in what I have to say? What will they think of me? All these thoughts have caused me to not sleep, to worry endlessly, to spend my days mindlessly worrying about what others believed about me because some years back I believed a lie that I wasn't liked. This was in some ways true at the time but in no way is it true any more. Now I get down on myself and fustrated that I really believed lies. I've said that my biggest enemy is myself, I'm always battling with me. With my mind and with my thoughts, but I've being lied too and I took the bate. I'm now spending my time unravelling these lies and instead replacing them with truth. 

The best lies are so subtle you think its truth...

So, you failed A test. The lie says you'll fail every test. It is that sneaky. YOU WON'T FAIL EVERY TEST and you're not a failure. I see broken people all the time, and I think to myself, what has being said to them, what have they spoken over themselves. Because the lie comes, we accept it and then it becomes a self-fulling prophecy. 

You have more power than you think you do...

Okay, so you won't go from feeling rubbish to feeling amazing in 24 hours. But over time as you mediate and declare the truth you will begin to believe the truth; you have the power over your mind. 

I've started to declare the truth instead... 

I can achieve my dreams. I won't believe I can't achieve.

I AM capable. I won't believe I'm incapable.

People DO want to hear what I have to say. I won't believe I'm a looser.

I CAN inspire, encourage, build and challenge people. I won't believe they may not be interested.

Over the next few years, I want to take you on the journey with me as I begin to believe the truths that are before me instead of the lies. 

(Image from: lifehopeandtruth.com)

6 life lessons 'Captain America- The winter soldier' taught me!

I've just seen 'Captain America- The winter solider'. Wow, this movie is profound. It taught me some important life lessons, here are 6: 

1. The biggest fear we face: Fear of the unknown.

Not knowing is one of the worst things a person can go through. As Captain states, knowing the enemy is important. The idea that S.H.I.E.L.D was hijacked and knowledge and information was kept from the public about the public, in Captain America's eyes was worse than them knowing the truth. I found this concept really interesting; that not knowing who the good guys and the bad guys can cause such panic. It really drove home to me, that you have to know who you are, what you are and who you belong too and importantly what you believe in to live a good life. While the fear of the unknown hung over people, they seemed to exist and not live.


2. "This isn't freedom. This is fear" - Captain America. 

S.H.I.E.L.D in a sense wanted to protect society by the process of 'the greatest good for the greatest number', sacrifice your freedom and you'll be safe. Captain points out "this isn't freedom, this is fear". This was a mind blowing concept too me. He then talks about freedom meaning trusting people, and taking the risk. Telling them He chose to sacrifice His life for freedom because it is valuable to him. The US government is willing to sacrifice what has always being what Cap believes the founding aspects of the country, for the sake of national security, he believes it fear. Interestingly, fear then leads to paranoia and we see that in the film. People turn on each other when they are fearing something and when they are paranoid they can't relax for fear of what is to come. 

3. You have to let the past go, to get hold of the future. 

The most profound scene in this movie is when (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Captain and Natasha go back to where He used to be a soldier in the 'skinny Steve days'. He see's himself as He was - He sees his past- and has to choose to face where he was and his past and not be afraid of it. He is a different man, with the same morals but He has to face the pain of all the rejection and all the hurt He felt while at that training ground. He had to visit the past and be okay with it. He had to let the past to, and grab ahold of the future. The battle was waiting, there is an enemy and He had to run to his future.


4.To lose your identity is to loose who you are. To lose who you are, means you can be moulded into something you never we meant to be. 
In one of the last scenes when He is fighting with the Winter soldier. He reminds the winter solider who he actually is. He tells him, He is Bucky - His best friend. The Winter soldier had lost his identity and then become something He was never made to be but became malleable and mouldable because He was broken down from what He was. He WAS a soldier, who WAS Captain's best friend, he served in WW2. As Captain reminds him of this, even though the soldier has being taught something different, slowley who he actually is starts to appear. The memories come back.



5. To believe in people, when they give you good reasons not to. 
The Winter soldier gave Cap every reason to not believe in him - He tried to kill him!- but Cap said He wouldn't kill the soldier and said instead that he'd be the first one to be killed by him rather than the other way around. He still believed Bucky was there...


6.Unity is how we change the world and our world- not going along. 
At one of the first scenes, Cap gets angry at Natasha for diverting from the plan. She tells him she knows what shes doing and He should just do the job that was assigned him. He says the plan was to rescue and tells her that diverting was not in the plan. He confirms and re-affirms throughout the film that team-work and unity is a needed in order to save lives and to save the world. If you can't work together, you can't do anything. Driving home that communication is key. 

I also want to talk about Chris Evans' ( Captain America). I've already stated -in previous blogs- that I am very appreciative of his work ( I don't want to use the word 'fan' because I would never ask for an autograph, get his picture or be at his premiers), He is supremely talented and He really understands the culture He is living in (He has also done some incredible indie films). What He brought to Captain America was a multi-dimensional character; Its being said, Captain is the most boring avenger- in the actual 'Avengers' movie, He was incredibly boring- from the movie I have concluded He is actually my favorite of them all. He does have flaws, He can't allow himself a mistake and to get it wrong. I believe that to be a flaw, to force your ideals on everyone and be so into doing good that you sometimes forget to use grace with that truth is a flaw. He can be harsh and judgemental but I liked seeing the human side of him. Only Chris Evans' could have added such a human touch to a man who is presumed the most perfect avenger. He is talented and one to watch- both actually and metaphorically, because of his ability to really understand human nature.

Later on this year He has his first feature film coming out- called '1:30 train'- I can't wait to see this guys creative offerings. I must also point out that yes, I hate to admit the truth BUT he is very handsome and some good eye candy for this film.

Why I can never relate to female leads in rom-coms.

Shes really sweet, quiet, shy, the damsel in distress ready to be picked up by prince charming. Sat waiting for her life to begin, desperately searching for meaning and purpose or maybe she is running away desperate to flee from her life to find true loves kiss and love happily ever or she starts hating the man of her dreams who says some cheesy line to her and she comes running. Even better, the miraculous meeting where she see's her man and then He wins her over.

These are the typical rom-com girls. Moments like this:


(photo: fanpop.com)


(google images)

I just can't relate too them, I'm fiesty or sassy, I have my own mind and my own views  at the same time I'm gentle and soft but I never see a women like me in a rom-com. They are always so shy and quiet, two things I'll never be. I have my flaws, I can be very opinionated at times. I can be moody too.

I'm calling for more women who act like, urm, human; with all the flaws that we have.

I don't look like this:

(photo: google images)

I look like this:



No, this is really me. This is how I actually look. I have messy/crazy curly hair and imperfect skin, small lips and a button nose. I don't look perfect, yet we're subtly being sold this idea that to be the perfect women we must look like those girls in the rom-coms. Perfectly innocent and beautiful in our appearance and mellow in character - if you are this way naturally then great - but I'm not. There is more than one way to look, and some more realistic looking women with a bit of variety would be helpful.

My call, is for real women- who can move their faces still- who look like a normal person to play the rom-coms in future. I am calling for women with character, flaws and weaknesses and great successes to play women in rom-coms (Infact make that movies in general).

Is it too much to ask?!

Fighting for our attention.

Hollywood spends millions on a minute advert for a new movie. The best are on it, best editors, best musicians, best actors, the best cut of the film. They are trying to lure you in, draw you in to go and see the film. They are fighting for your attention, they spend millions because they know that your time is precious, they know that everything else in life is fighting for your attention. Massive billboards of adverts all around you, social media adverts, political campaigns that are fighting all for your attention. Anywhere you look, anyplace you go; something is fighting for your attention or someone is fighting for your attention. It is precious.  Why is it that we are so overwhelmed with information from all angles that it takes Prince Harry being a soldier for us to remember that soldiers are fighting for our freedom? Why does Angelina Jolie have to be a good will UN ambassador just to draw attention to the much needed issues in third worlds? 

Is it because we're afraid to care, there is too much going on around us to care or that we just don't care? 

I'm coming to the belief more and more, that its not necessarily that people don't actually care about an issue, its just they don't have time to care. A close family member of mine knows nothing of what is happening in the political realm, knows nothing about world affairs because they are too busy trying to make life happen for the people around them. Trying to care about everything in their circle that they don't have the attention span to engage with massive world problems. Our lives are so cluttered with our worlds that we can't sometimes see the wood for the tree's. 

Lets gain some perspective. 

We've got too much in our lives that doesn't matter. For the important things to become more into the picture we need to take the meaningless things out, I don't need to secify, you know what is meaningless in your life. As a very wise man once said 'if its not growing fruit, cut it off and grow something new'. Those words are by Jesus (Matthew 5:30). This verse gets miss interpreted that Jesus wants you to tear out your eye if it causes you to sin. However, Jesus is speaking in parable and analogy and is saying that if something is not producing anything good in your life, or producing life instead producing anything bad (darkness, Sickness, grief etc) get rid of it and cut it off! 

 Spend time on things that our worth our time. Family, friends. People. Loving people, letting the love we have for people grab our attention. Remembering in the messiness of our lives to spend quality time with a friend over dinner, to send a quick text to say 'how are you?', to think about how we can make a friend smile and laugh. 

What the superhero movies taught me.

Lets state facts: Marvels Avengers, made $200 million at the American domestic box office opening weekend.

I think its fair to say it was a box office smash. Why?

 There is a massive following. Fanatics who love the comics and therefore love the movies. It was a risk for Marvel to put them into movie form it would be a success or a failure no too way, either all the fans who have adopted these characters as their friends and...well, their hero's. I am not a comic book fan, I watched the movies because I was curious. What I saw was not just a well acted, well produced entertaining movie. I saw something deeper going on, how the movies unbeknowingly, showcased painful issues within humanity.



There is something deeper going on...

1.Superheros represent being saved from destruction, catastrophe they are giving life. Being protected, held and being safe. In 2007 the recession hit, which has being called the worst recession since the great depression of the 1920's. We need to be rescued, superhero movies represent this. I wish I had Captain America to protect me, fight for justice. I wish I had Thor to throw his hammer at all my problems, I wish I had Superman to catch when I'm falling and feeling lost in the unknow.

2. More specifically The Avengers movies show different superhero's who are used to saving the day having to work together to collectively in unity have to save the day; is that not like human nature? do we not get too caught up in trying to be the hero? and seeing what we can do and stating how the problem should be solved by ourselves, that we forget to work together to solve the issue and give up our egos for the greater good. There is a scene where Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr) and Captain American (Chris Evans) are arguing about how to solve an issue, Iron man believes he has all the answers while Captain America thinks they should wait for orders and do it as a group. They end up arguing, this scene was really powerful for me, we have to work together not alone; we are called for community to solve issues together.

3. Thor 1 &2 ; brings up this idea of complex love, of not belonging, feeling like a misfit, the complexities of arrogance. Thor, the God of Thunder- so arrogant his Dad takes away his potential kingship until he can be wise enough to know how to rule and reign. Loki, his misfit brother the God mischief; really just hurt and feeling rejected so he acts out. In the second movie we see him vulnerable because thats who he really is underneath the bravado. I've done that before, I'm sure you have too.

4. Superman taught me that I have talents I need to harness. Every strength, is also a weakness. Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness, for example, if you have to gift of being able to speak to other people you may also have the tendency to talk to much. IF you have the ability to be organised and are type A personality, you may also be controlling and bossy. Superman didn't understand why he could see, or grasp why he could understand what he did. He had a gift but it needed refining.

External change is inevitable. Internal change is optional.

Your world will always change. The only constant in our lives is that our outside world will change. 

Money comes and goes. 
Jobs come and go. 
Some friendships come and go in their right time. Some are just meant for a time, while others for life.
Houses come and go
Where we live changes. 

BUT

Internal change in optional. How you view your life will determine how you live it. I've become convinced that its not necessarily the outside that we need to think about changing and fixing, its the inside. 

Think about it, how many people have you seen achieve their dreams but then go on a downward spiral because they don't have the strength of character to be able to see it though. 
I was reminded of this by watching 'Wolf of Wall street' - which is heavily based on a true story of Jordan Belfort- in the story, in which Leonardo DiCaprio plays Jordan, he states that to get through the day he needs various drugs. He say, and I quote: 

"On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome."

This man who achieved all of his dreams, made 49 million at the age of 26 needed all this to get him through the day. Why? because he didn't have the internal character to be able to get him through the day. Quaaludes are a sedative that has being banned from the market, the stress of his day, other drugs to keep him focused and to take the edge off. 

I find this really thought-provoking and profound. 

Jordan was not built on the inside, he didn't have strength of character and the security and love to be able to do his job properly without the need for 'assistance'. 

My 2 questions to you is: Where do you get the strength and love from to live a good life, and have a good day? and Are you build internally strong to be able to achieve your external dreams?

Don't forget the Journey.

You may not be where you want to be, but you are further than you were last year, last month and last week.

Remember you've come from somewhere, remember that you've come through that. Remember that you overcame, remember that you are a fighter, remember that you are putting one foot in front of the other. Remember you are a strong, courageous and you have someone who wants to walk with you. Someone who wants to love you. You are a true beauty, full of worth and potential. Remember to choose against your feelings to believe the truth about yourself.

You can do it. You are doing it. You will do it. Keep going.

In the words or Dory: "Just keep swimming".

They said I couldn't.So I did.

Every single thing I am doing in my life right now, someone told me - to my face I could not do.
I was too outspoken and honest, it is now my greatest asset in speaking to young people.I could not get into 6form, therefore couldn't go to university. I am now doing a degree.I would never get good GCSE results and was not clever enough to do higher papers. I got good grades. I got to 6form, I got to university, I am speaking to young people.I was the reason for being bullied. Most people who were ever mean to me, through their own naivety and lack of understanding have said they were sorry too me. Infact, some became some of a my greatest friends.I would never be understood. I write on my blog which people have told me makes some coherent sense.I would never overcome. I have overcome many fears.I would fail. But the second I went to university and stuck to it showed me I would not fail.I could not make it as a public speaker. This is my dream. I am trying my hardest to attain it.
The point is, I sometimes struggle deeply with lack of self-esteem and self-worth and feel I may fail and not be able to achieve all my dreams. But I've just reminded myself through writing that I have overcome every obstacle in my life. I am getting a better self-esteem, I am starting to believe I am loved, I know I have a worth more than I used to, and I'm dealing with my fear of failure.
If I can, You can. You will, We have to believe together in ourselves. One thought at a time.

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My thoughts changed. My life changed.

When I started to truly believe I was loved, my life changed. When I declared over myself truth, my life changed. When I choose to see things differently and changed my perspective, my life changed.

Our thoughts are keys to how we feel. They influence our feelings. We are content, then that thought comes that says "if I only had this" and BOOM you feel rubbish. That is obvious but our thoughts are more subtle than that. That subtle reminder, that subtle comment that derails our day.

What are you thinking? What goes through your head? thoughts of how much you are worth or thoughts of how much you are not worth?

If you change the way you think, your life will automatically change.

Emeli Sande- Read all about it.

You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?

So come on, come on
Come on, come on

You've got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Maybe we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away

Come on, come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

At night we're waking up the neighbours
While we sing away the blues
Making sure that we're remembered, yeah
Cause we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
Then we're breaking all the rules

So come on, come on
Come on, come on,

Let's get the TV and the radio
To play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend

Come on, come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

Yeah, we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
Now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
Yeah, we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're finally finding our voices
Just take a chance, come help me sing this

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream 'til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh

Emeli sande- Read all about it. 

Let these lyrics encourage you today.