How to quiet your mind.

So, if you're like me; you're pretty busy brained, a million thoughts  coming out all over the place. You probably confuse people sometimes and forget they are not in your head!  So much to do, see and think about. Also you probably struggle to quiet your mind, to sit, to be. I mean who wants to do that? there is so much to see, to take in... who can sit still? 

Stillness, is a key to life. Being quiet allows you to just be, now this is a battlefield for me. I'm not naturally a calm and peaceful person; but I'm learning. 

(Thomas Haig-picture of me)

1.Identify your thoughts.

What are you thinking about? write it down. If you don't know what you're thinking about then write down exactly what is on your mind at this very moment and start from there. 

2. Look at it in perspective. 

Your problem is not as big as you think it is, only your brain has allowed you too see it as bigger than it is.  I've always being wary of saying this because I've seen in the past people say, its not like you're in Africa starving, this adds guilt not perspective. 

3. You are loved. 

Now, you might think how is that relevant to quieting your mind but knowing your loved means you can rest in the peace that everything will work out okay in some way or another, it allows you to let go of control and to stop working everything out. Its really strange, the more I reminded myself I am loved; the less busy my brain got because its all going to be okay someway or another because I'm bigger than my brain, I can choose to see the problem in perspective. 

4. Rise above the thought and replace it with a positive thought. 

You DON'T have to have it all worked out. You don't have to suffer with that thought. Start building new highways in your brain by choosing a positive thought. 

5. Look outwards not inwards. The world is still turning

Look at the world, have you ever noticed that pretty flower? probably not because you were too busy in your own head.  The world is changing, it is now spring. In England, this means flowers and new animals; don't miss all that trying to be superwomen or superman. 

6. Stop trying to control others have some perspective.

You have no control over what they say and do, as you let it go that you don't. You don't have to fix the world. Lots of our suffering comes from trying to control the world. 

7. Jump from the fear of the unknown and the fear of losing control. 

You did all you could, now let go. Let the fear go. Most roots to busy brained is trying to do everything figure it all out. 

8. Turn it off, get out the door. 

No, don't text. Ring your friend, meet them face to face. Do something that you enjoy. For me, its seeing a movie, talking, going for meal. I hate nightclubs so that would never work. 

9. Rome wasn't built in a day. 

Learning to rest and quiet yourself is a process, you might not do amazing the first few times. 

10. There is something bigger than you. 

Focusing on yourself just makes it worse, trying to figure it all out just ends in frustration. The world is turning regardless of you, jump in and go with the flow and enjoy the ride. Someone made this world who is stronger than you, thinks clearer than you. Its not your job to be God and try and sort all your thoughts out and think why to everything! sometimes its just your job to do all you can and trust that the rest will all somehow fall into place. 

11. Start to trust people a little bit. 

My busy brain came from dis-trust mostly, I didn't trust people had the best intentions; granted not everyone does. But don't be so harsh, slowly trust other people; in all honesty at some point they will break it, but who won't? please here the balance and don't be extreme- don't give them all or nothing, just give them the chance to earn your trust.  if they love you and they break it, they have had your best interests at heart. When you can trust, you can delegate. A mother with 4 young children? why not do carpool and get someone else to pick the kids up on day and you do it the next. 

External change is inevitable. Internal change is optional.

Your world will always change. The only constant in our lives is that our outside world will change. 

Money comes and goes. 
Jobs come and go. 
Some friendships come and go in their right time. Some are just meant for a time, while others for life.
Houses come and go
Where we live changes. 

BUT

Internal change in optional. How you view your life will determine how you live it. I've become convinced that its not necessarily the outside that we need to think about changing and fixing, its the inside. 

Think about it, how many people have you seen achieve their dreams but then go on a downward spiral because they don't have the strength of character to be able to see it though. 
I was reminded of this by watching 'Wolf of Wall street' - which is heavily based on a true story of Jordan Belfort- in the story, in which Leonardo DiCaprio plays Jordan, he states that to get through the day he needs various drugs. He say, and I quote: 

"On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome."

This man who achieved all of his dreams, made 49 million at the age of 26 needed all this to get him through the day. Why? because he didn't have the internal character to be able to get him through the day. Quaaludes are a sedative that has being banned from the market, the stress of his day, other drugs to keep him focused and to take the edge off. 

I find this really thought-provoking and profound. 

Jordan was not built on the inside, he didn't have strength of character and the security and love to be able to do his job properly without the need for 'assistance'. 

My 2 questions to you is: Where do you get the strength and love from to live a good life, and have a good day? and Are you build internally strong to be able to achieve your external dreams?

Who am I?

There is a section of culture I hate.

The masking part, we all wear masks. I wear them all the time, I smile when I'm sad. For so long, I hid bihind a mask of a friend, a close dear one. Who I've being brought up with, she was my twin, we did everything together and even have the same name. I subtly and subconsciously allowed someone elses ideas and ideals and what they thought about me become and define me. We've all done it.

I've being a secret nerd my whole life- I love history, politics, human nature she doesn't, she was very fashionable I wasn't. But I let her define me, I started to try and be her. She never forced this on me, I presumed from how popular she was and how she was good at most things she did that she had a winning formula. What is there is no winning formula, just being an individual?

 I don't look like how you'd think. I'm not nerdy in any shape or form in the way I look ; I love fashion but prefer to find new ways to spice up my jeans, t-shirt or shirt, blazer and cardigan and trainers combination. This is my idea, besides looking at blogs and fashion magazines but nothing in the way I look tells you that I'm a nerd. I don't dress differently so you can see my 'uniqueness' I don't stand out in a crowd. But my interests lie in the nerdy section of life. This is not cool for most young adults. When people want to go partying and to nightclubs, I really don't. I want to have a long dinner, watch a movie and talk all night. I want to go to a pub for casual drink and chat. I want to deep chat and talk about everything in life and have true, honest and genuine conversation. I absolutely despise small talk and can think of a million things I'd rather do, than remark about the weather and the biscuits. I can watch Jamie Oliver and Bear Grylls all day, I absolutely love indie movies. Nothing in me is made to be popular and I'm not, I am very well loved but I'm not at the centre of the dancefloor.

Now I've realised that I'm not my bestfriend, I've also realised everything I held onto for comfort, to tell me who I was is a lie. I always thought I had a great knowledge of who I was. The horrible truth is I don't, or I didn't - now I'm starting too. I'm walking a path that not many walk because I've chosen to try and be myself. I'm taking off the mask, and its vulnerable and its scary. I'm out my comfort zone. But I'm learning to accept who I am.

My biggest battle is fear of rejection, rejection for who I am and everything I am. Its happened so much in the brief moments I've tried to be myself. It has also brought be true friendship from a few but rejection from the masses.

To try and figure myself out, I'm accepting that I am loved. Maybe the reason we don't take off our masks is for fear of rejection and that we won't be loved for who we truly are? I am loved always, all the time by the One who is love, by friends and by family. The more I know this, and choose to believe it and tell myself this truth. The more I am becoming be, the more I'm knowing who I am.