Don't forget the Journey.

You may not be where you want to be, but you are further than you were last year, last month and last week.

Remember you've come from somewhere, remember that you've come through that. Remember that you overcame, remember that you are a fighter, remember that you are putting one foot in front of the other. Remember you are a strong, courageous and you have someone who wants to walk with you. Someone who wants to love you. You are a true beauty, full of worth and potential. Remember to choose against your feelings to believe the truth about yourself.

You can do it. You are doing it. You will do it. Keep going.

In the words or Dory: "Just keep swimming".

ARRRRRRGGG

So many dreams. So much doubt.

Doubts fill my mind. Its so hard to believe in yourself, to believe you are capable and to believe your dreams are reachable and attainable. As I wrestle through my thoughts it feels like i'm walking through treacle, thick thick treacle. I grab ahold of the truth that I can do it, then that doubt comes and I try hold onto that truth, but it gets harder and harder. How can I possibly reach all of my dreams? I read a poem by Nelson Mandela in which he states its isn't our "darkness that scares us rather our light". Am I scared I'm not capable or scared I may just be able to do everything I was told I couldn't do? 

I think it scares me more, my own potential. The anger I have towards myself because I spent so long believing lies, so long believing I was unworthy and being genuinely shocked when people wanted to be friends with me because of all the rejection I faced. So long believing I couldn't write because I had a teacher who used to tell me my stories just were "not right".  But that was then, this is now. If I don't get rid of these mindsets they will inhibit me reaching my goals. I'm focusing all my might and my strength on building these new mindsets of truth. I CAN, I WILL, I AM LOVED. HE is FOR ME,  IS WITH ME, LOVES ME. 

I was told I was not clever to be in the top sets at school, told I couldn't achieve GCSE's good enough to go to 6form so should go to collage. I beat all of them lies, I got my GCSE's as good as the clever group; why don't I just look at the truth. Remember who I am. Remember I am an overcomer, I've overcome things that take people down and keep them down. With the help of others, my strong faith, and myself I have overcome so much. Yet I still doubt, still get taken down. This is it in life, we think we have ahold of something only to have to fight it again and again until its killed, dead and gone. Everytime I think of something good, a negative thought enters my brain but I will not allow it to stay there I have the choice. 

I will overcome my doubt. I will focus on the goal and the truth and run hard to get to it. 

I will remind myeslf, I can. I will proclaim, write down and tell myself I believe it until I do. I will get rid of my unsureness in my heart and start of claim back my confidence. I will empower, encourage, inspire, equip and help build all my friends and family, my readers and everyone who meets me. I will do these things. 

Celebrities are not just famous people and its all an illusion.

Recently, I've really been thinking hard about celebrity culture. The way in which someone, somewhere said someone was more important than someone else and knowing about where they get their coffee from is very important.

So lets begin to look at it at its roots; as a society we need to label and class people. This helps us put people into categories and figure them out a little bit better. Its being done since time began, we need significance, acceptance, love and to belong somewhere innately, this is what we need. The humanist Abraham Maslow showed this in his hierarchy of needs, in which if all our needs (both physical and psychological) we can't reach Self-actualisation, an understanding of the world and ourselves and can't have dreams and meet goals. Celebrity culture, is shown to be a place where all our needs are met; they are famous therefore they belong; they have fans therefore they are loved; they have made a film and walk a red carpet with lots of people screaming their name therefore they are significant. This is the lie we are sold. These human needs if not fulfilled healthily we look for them in other ways, I really believe is in some ways where our obsession with celebrity comes from. This group of people who have it all, and if we had what they had, we would somehow have it all.

It is of course not only in celebrity culture this happens, we see it in advertising the lure that if we had that product we'd be happy. Wear that perfume and you'll have a man desire you completely and wholeheartedly. This constant tap into our insecurities, advertising and PR are in fact incredibly intelligent ideas. They work, we see that actor who talks about what he desires personality wise in a women (And then us girls who fancy him secretly dream about how we could be the one), but we do it in our everyday lives also make someone a celebrity too us. Listen to how the popular person wants a friend with x qualities and think of ways to become their friend and we get really depressed when looking at that girl/guy with a beautiful figure/physique on instagram. Celebrities are not just who the gossip magazines say they are, is not that person they claim it is rather its an illusion we make about anyone we see who we believe to be better, more able, richer, more significant, value and loved than us. They could be famous, they could also be your best friend. Its that person we've built in our brains who will answer all of our insecurities even though in our heart of hearts its not true.

Have you ever noticed that  hollywood celebrities are explained to be somehow superhuman, they have the best hair, of course they never have a sad day, the best bodies - the best everything. You know, if you just met Chris Evans your life would be complete and he'd answer all your problems but Chris is a man- with flaws. I came to this conclusion one day watching a great series called 'the becoming series' on youtube. I saw the one with Chris Evans ( I love them because they ask intelligent questions I want to know the answers too not just those crappy 'What do you eat for lunch?' type questions) in part 2, He spoke of anxiety, before he did the Captain America films, he got therapy (counselling for us Brits) and struggled with various aspects of fame! This was highly intelligent and intriguing as this thing that we should all want because it makes us complete (apparently) fame, this guy didn't want. How could this be? I thought to myself as I continued watching. He spoke about rising above your thoughts and how to deal with 'brain noise'. This guy is completely normal, at this point I was crying. I'd just gone through a  massive life change, and like him I struggled to come to terms with it. I wondered, like him, if I could deal with it. I wanted to peg it to the hills like He did. This thing that was meant to make him complete and answer all his life problems didn't, was it true Chris Evans was JUST like me? He is but celebrity culture would have you convinced He is not. I wanted to jump in the screen and hug him, because I felt less alone he was dealing with anxiety too and because He really made me realise once and for all that there is no better or worse in life just different. He loves doing the lower-budget indie movies, he hates the limelight of press junkets and clearly doesn't like celebrity all too much. How can this American man who is making movies; doing press, jumping in front of green screens in a ridiculous costume be the same as me, an English Women; leading groups and mentoring young people, trying to bring social change and completing a degree, deeply interested in politics, history and world affairs and culture. But somehow he was. He made me think and see something in a way I've never seen it. If I ever meet Him, I would like to tell him how incredibly intelligent He is, and how genuinely talented he is. I mean he has done some amazing indies- check out 'London' and 'puncture'. Hollywood celebrities are no different to any of us. Its an illusion at the core of it because they are human and have needs [plus if they are at the top who is feeding their needs? The grass is always greener on the other side, as i've looked into this I've began to notice more and more that gratefulness and thankfulness are a key in life, being thankful for what you have because there will always be a problem and something to fix but perspective and positive views on life are key to us living an incredible life. A celebrity can't answer life's deepest needs for you, or your deepest questions. Yes you can admire someone and think they have done well and even aspire to them ( I aspire to influence and provoke people to think, like Chris Evans did too me) but they can't complete you and the normal celebrities in life who are not famous, like family and friends who we place on a pedestal can't complete us. Only true love can.